On Intentional Owning

mending, cleaning, loving, and most importantly, keeping.

I love things. Man do I love thingsssss! Beautiful things, useful things, beautiful but useless things… The list goes on and on. I especially love sentimental things, bits of paper doodled on from a friend, a coin I found on the ground on a first date. Sometimes I think I was a crow in my past life, picking up shinny things off the road with my beak and jamming them in small corners of my nest.

But to give myself a little credit, I was never really into owning a lot of useless things. I liked things orderly in my bedroom, lined up just so. But living in such a capitalist society means that I put a lot of my worth into what I had. But when I hit my twenties, my aversion to traditional consumerism has really blossomed. Whenever I’d go into Target or any store like it and see the endless winding aisles of useless things!! It sticks in my craw. Usually plastic, ugly, no purpose, and to be thrown away when the next trend comes and goes. Now, have I been guilty of indulging in such practices? Of COURSE. Is this piece meant to pass judgment or be rude to those who do?

No.

But, my hopes is maybe someone who reads this could get inspired to own things with more discernment.

My favorite example of this phenomena is my own experiences as a kid, and also babysitting. I had one very special doll as a kid, and I took her everywhere. She was a fairy doll, waldorf style. She wasn’t plastic with bright flashing lights to keep my attention, she was cotton, simple, perfect. Of course I had other toys, I didn’t grow up like Laura Ingalls with a corn cob doll. But, I definitely didn’t have near as much as other kids I knew. But me and that doll. Inseparable. The most special thing I think I ever owned and still own.

Now flash forward to me, age 11, babysitting two sweet little girls. They had an absolutely CAVERNOUS playroom, stuffed full of any toy you could imagine. Bright flashing toys, stuffed animals, games, puzzles, barbies, sets, I mean literally everything. And 99.9% of the time, it all sat untouched.

“There’s nothing to do” “I’m bored” “I want a new toy".”

They were absolutely overwhelmed. They had too much, so everything became jejune. A room stuffed full of toys, and yet somehow nothing to do.

Much like me moaning about having nothing to wear with a closet stuffed full of clothes

Even though I’ve always liked nice things, and did 98% of my shopping second hand, it wasn't until last year, 2025, that I really started to get into what I call “Intentional Owning.” Before when I would go to the thrift, anything (within reason) that I liked even slightly, I would take home “to try” ( a sneaky way of saying well I might re-donate this in a day but oh well, that’s the thrill of the haul! ) I was in a very constant cycle of thrifting and then donating. Doing social media and also just being a fashion girl means of course, that I’m shopping more than most. And It wasn’t until last year that I realized something. I was starting to become wildly uninspired. Going and thrifting just wasn’t hitting the same, it was becoming this predictable cycle of big hauls to eventual re-donation. Nothing was feeling special anymore. My playroom was full. Something needed to change, to break my cycle.

And the catalyst for this change was fabric.

Now, of course I’ve always been interested in it to an extent, and also had the basic common knowledge of what poorly made clothes were. What cheap fabric was vs a silk or something. But the extent was mostly “Shein Bad.” Very good, Emma….

But when I started doing my own research (and some conversations with my mom who was very ahead of the curve) I decided that I was dumping polyester. O.M.G. Polyester is my bright pink plastic overstimulating toy of my adulthood.

Yes, I decided it was time to go through my closet and ditch MOST of my polyester. As I said before, within reason. I’m not throwing away my mom’s old 1990’s little black dress because it’s a poly blend. But, that shirt I don’t really wear all that much, it’s gone. Suddenly I was weeding out my entire wardrobe. Trimming it down neatly until I realized what I was doing. I was making a little capsule wardrobe. What I once obtusely deemed impossible, was happening. Once my wardrobe was cut down in size, I went through and made note of things I needed.

Linen pants, a black cotton cardigan, a few wool sweaters, ect.

Suddenly I had things to look for, and I wasn’t going to just bring home anything. It had to be perfect. Not close to perfect, not good enough, no. It needed to be the thing I was looking for without a doubt.

That’s when thrifting and searching became fun again. Digging through was now even more of a challenge and I LIKED that. I know some people get discouraged when they don’t find what they’re looking for, but I love it. Like the start of a toxic fling, the chase only makes me want it more.

Slowly I began picking away at my list, and the thrill of finding the perfect item became tenfold. And when I found my dream sweater, but with a slight tear and stain on the sleeve, I decided it was also time to learn repairing.

Throughout this whole process, learning to polish up my used items has been the best part. Not only is it now a core memory for me learning with my maman, it’s also more satisfying than watching an ASMR video.

One of the first things I got was a stain removing bar soap. I had used these magical bars in France before, so I already knew the drill. But actually getting my own and adding it to my laundry rotation was phenomenal. Forget a tide pen, this soap is life changing.

A soak in cool water and a few scrubs of this soap can make even the most stubborn lipstick come out. I soaked and scrubbed my favorite makeup bag, absolutely destroyed on the inside with mascara, old eyeshadows and lipliner, and poof. Like magic, the bottom was white and shiny new again. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

Another favorite I came across is leather care. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is as satisfying as polishing up your second-hand leather. Also because it’s so easy.

I so wish I had taken a before picture, but these sweet shoes were bad. Scuffed, dull and lifeless. After a quick lesson from mom, we polished them up brand new.

Same goes for bags.

Between mending, polishing, brightening ect, I’ve found so much satisfaction in this new era of consuming. That feeling of truly having what you want, and having in a sense, worked for it. Reaching for less and less.

Now, I still love my things, always will. I have that little voice in me that says “CONSUMEEEE.” Last year was the start to quieting that voice, and this year I find the voice is even quieter. I have less, but it means more.

Here’s to my year of intentional owning.

warmly and with love,

EKR